Sunday, May 08, 2005

Message from a film snob

Tonight I finally got around to seeing The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Rather than post a boring detailed review of the film, I'll just say that it was better than I expected, but of course nowhere near as funny as the book. The best parts were where it stayed true to the book. The worst parts were where it strayed (Malkovich? Huh?).

But I would like to make a few announcments on the subject of film-going in general.

1) Shut up in the movies. Please. Just shut up. Don't talk to your friends next to you every ten minutes. Instead, shut up.

2) If you're a geeky fan-boy, don't let everyone around you know. They don't care. No one cares that you spotted the cameo by the Marvin android from the BBC mini-series. No one cares that you recognize Simon Jones. No one cares that you know what a hoopy frood is. You're not getting any more nerd points. And you certainly don't have any more of a chance to score tonight having pointed it out. Try a little modesty instead, and think it to yourself. Pat yourself on the back for having such a keen knowledge of all things Nerd. Star Wars comes out in 11 days, but I fear I'm going to have to wait 3 weeks into its run before I can venture into the theater to see it. Any earlier and all the fanboy dorks sporting lightsabers and yelling "Hey! That's Grand Admiral Thrawn!" will drive me to attempt suicide. So, again, see point number one and just shut up.

3) When the last picture-image of the film, in this case Douglas Adams's head, fades to black, that doesn't mean the movie is over. The movie isn't over until the credits finish rolling and all audio ceases. Credits are an important part of movies. I speak from experience, and I can tell you an aweful lot of thoughts are put into how they look. So watch them. You might learn something. Or, if you don't want to watch them, at least see number one again and shut the hell up while they're rolling so the people that want to see them can do so. This doubly goes for employees of the theater who like to come in and start cleaning the aisles and chatting with each other before the credits are done. Please. I paid my six bucks. Shut up and wait for me to leave. Oh, and if you left before the credits finished rolling during H2G2, you missed a funny scene anyway. Ha ha, joke's on you. Stay for the entire movie next time.

Sheesh. It's to the point where I don't even want to go to the cinema anymore. It's too frustrating.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could not find a suitable section so I written here, how to become a moderator for your forum, that need for this?

10:29 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home